textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
