somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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