i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize