It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
