Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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