he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
