My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
