So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
