Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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