I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
