If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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