Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
