Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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