loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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