I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize