just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
