i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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