my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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