jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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