My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
