I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YAS. BRING CRAB.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
