i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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