i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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