FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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