You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
