This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That accounts for only three of the penises
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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