Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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