i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
