I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
