so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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