i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And then my night got REAL pukey
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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