enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
tell me about the eggs
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