oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
