She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
