You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
