well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
