if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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