God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize