He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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