You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
