Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's get the cat blown out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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