ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
