I heard we made out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
