it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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