i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
please don't ironically join a cult
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