You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
