i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
