You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize