god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
