Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
