I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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