She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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