well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
