Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
