if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
