when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
