is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
