He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
