I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
