Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
