I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize