After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
