I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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