Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize