Cold hands, warm shart.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
