it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
