I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize