i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
