I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
