I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
