LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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