he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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