halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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