good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
