I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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